Waiting...

Waiting has never been my strong suit.  When I want something, I go after it.  I typically feel anxious as the waiting time increases.  Here I am, though, almost four months into my cancer journey, and I'm waiting to hear what the next course of treatment will be.  Do I need to know right this minute? No.  Whatever the doctors decide will be exactly what is supposed to happen.  It really doesn't change anything dramatic.  Either way, I will be receiving treatments that will have side effects.  In some ways, maybe not knowing is better because I can't drive myself crazy researching and reading everything there is to know about the treatment.  I proved during AC (my red sunshine) that the side effects they tell you that you will experience don't always happen.  So maybe I am better off letting this all remain a mystery until it's time to start the treatment.  I have found that a certain amount of ignorance is bliss in this cancer world.

So while I sit here and wait, I have realized that there are some things that I can control.  I am focusing on wellness, healing my body any way that I can.  I may be over the top in what I am doing, but in some ways, I feel healthier than I have felt in years.  A little over five years ago, I made a dramatic lifestyle switch to cutting out all gluten.  Over that first year of being gluten free, I noticed some huge changes.  My daily headaches disappeared, my frequent backaches went away, I lost weight, gained energy, and I could concentrate so much better.  As I continued to research how you can use food to heal your body, I learned cutting gluten wasn't enough for me.  I now eat a (mostly) grain free/sugar free diet.  I've been doing this way of eating for four years.  No, this way of eating isn't going to prevent cancer (I'm proof of that!), but I do attribute how quickly I am healing to my healthy lifestyle.  I drink chaga and matcha tea everyday.  I also drink at least 80 ounces, and usually more like 100 ounces, of water every day.  Since starting chemo, I have also added a 1.25 mile walk every day and for the past four weeks, I have done pilates at least five days per week.  I can feel my body getting stronger everyday.  Four weeks ago I couldn't even hold a plank position on my knees.  But I stuck with it and today I did four push-ups on my toes.  In the past, I would have talked myself down for not being able to do these things that I used to be able to do.  Today I chose to marvel at how strong my body is becoming.  It is frustrating to know that I will be having a surgery and undergoing radiation that will take away a lot of this progress, but I decided that I shouldn't let the future stop me from doing something today.

In addition to healthy foods and exercise, I have incorporated other healthy strategies into my life every day.  I make sure to laugh everyday.  Having Owen and Jason around makes this one an easy thing to accomplish.  I read my Bible and pray every morning, throughout the day, and every evening.    Our minister has been preaching the book of Exodus.  This is not a coincidence.  God knew I needed to hear these messages of miracles.  I talk and catch up with friends that I haven't been the best about keeping in touch with.  I go to a weekly acupuncture appointment.  I was so scared to try it, but it is one of the best things I have done since my diagnosis.  

And while all of this is going on, I wait.  Thankfully, I am kept pretty busy with all of these wellness activities.  Most importantly, I am enjoying living.  I live in the moment, trying not to let the future cloud my vision.  It's easy to see it now, but you really should live your life like you are dying.  Don't get so caught up in the day-to-day that you stop appreciating and noticing the small moments in life.  Take the time to really pause and enjoy each moment that is given to you.  I will never take another day for granted.  I hope you won't either.

On Sunday, August 4, I was baptized.

And just because I love music and referenced this title in my post, I'm including this video.  Don't expect to see me skydiving, bull riding, or climbing any literal mountains anytime soon, though.  😂