It Is Well With My Soul- Taxol #11

I had good news at my appointment on Friday!  I had my PET Scan and MRI last Wednesday and they had the reports ready for me on Friday morning.  The metastatic cancer (what has spread into my bones) is stable - this means it is not getting worse - and the lump in my breast has shrunk even more since the last scan.  When I was diagnosed in April, the lump was 6 cm.  It is now 6 mm.  My doctor is very pleased that the cancer continues to respond to chemotherapy.  Not all cancers are sensitive to chemo, but she says it is a very good sign that mine is.  She admitted that she is amazed by how well I am healing, as well as how well I am tolerating chemo.

So you are probably wondering what the next step for me is... well, I am, too.  Dr. Sinclair in Brewer is a great oncologist, but inflammatory breast cancer is a very specialized disease.  She is sending me back to Boston to meet with Dr. Overmoyer.  At this point, Dr. Sinclair is thinking that we may continue with more Taxol, since I am responding so well to chemo.  Dr. Overmoyer will look over my scans and determine if she thinks that surgery is a safe option for me at this point or if I should continue with more cycles of chemo.  I am putting all my faith in God and trusting Him to provide wisdom to my doctors.  I am thankful to have two oncologists that want to see me live a long & happy life.

I continue to learn a lot about cancer because I've come to a point where I believe knowledge is power.  At first, I was so overwhelmed, and the more I learned the more overwhelmed I felt.  Now I need to learn as much as I can because it helps me become a more informed patient.  One question I asked Dr. Sinclair was whether she thought my bone metastases would ever heal.  Her honest opinion was that it was highly unlikely.  I was not happy with that response, so I came home and searched through my Facebook support group files.  Sure enough, once I dug deep enough, I found a woman who was diagnosed 7 years ago with stage 4 triple-negative IBC with metastases to the bones.  After 6.5 years on chemo, she was declared no evidence of disease.  So while I understand it is unlikely that my bones will ever be free of cancer, it is NOT impossible.  This brings me back to my belief in God.  With God, all things are possible.  I need to remind myself not to let negative answers bring me down.  It is so important to believe in healing.

Jason and I watched a great documentary on Netflix the other night called Heal.  I've also read a lot of books - Radical Remission, Chris Beat Cancer, Anticancer Living, and Aly's Fight (a memoir about a young woman's stage 3 battle with breast cancer and then the miracle birth of a baby that she was told she would never be able to have).  Throughout all of these books and the documentary, one of the greatest healing tools is to have faith and believe that you can and will get better.  I am not angry that I have this disease.  I can now look at this diagnosis and ask myself what I am supposed to learn from it and come up with many answers.  Do I wish I wasn't experiencing this?  Absolutely.  But I am, so instead of wasting energy on being angry and searching out how this happened, I am focusing on what makes me happy and brings me peace.  Thankfully I have a lot in my life that makes me happy that I can focus on.

Today Jason and I met with our church elders.  We are in the membership process and were asked to share our personal testimonies.  I am including mine below for anyone that would like to read it.

I was skating along in life: a happy marriage, a precious son, my dream career, a beautiful home, a terrific family, and good health.  Then BOOM!  After several months of mysterious ailments, a lymph node ultrasound led to a breast cancer suspicion and a breast biopsy was scheduled for Good Friday, April 19, 2019.  This was a complete shock to my family and me, and, as we clung to our faith that Easter weekend, the news worsened.  The official diagnosis became inflammatory breast cancer with a second primary triple-negative breast cancer that had metastasized to my bones.  My diagnosis is terminal.   How could my God, the God that loves me unconditionally, allow this to happen?  After months of searching for answers and praying, I realize God allowed this to happen to show me He DOES love me.  He loves me enough to make sure that I am living a life centered around Him.  I have always known God and believed in him, but until this diagnosis I had not committed my life to Him. 

Throughout the last seven months, God has shown me over and over again that He is with me every step of the way.  I have heard his voice assure me that He is with me.  I have felt his presence during PET scans and MRIs.  He has placed people in my life that encourage me and offer me support in a way that people I have known forever cannot do.  He led me to make decisions years ago that I know have improved my chances of survival, even though those decisions were not always supported by my healthcare team.  I am working everyday to make sure that I glorify Him throughout these hardships.  The Bible teaches us to give thanks in all circumstances.  When first diagnosed, I was not sure how to be thankful.  To be honest, I was unsure if I would ever be thankful again.  My eyes have been opened throughout this process, though, and I can see just how much God has blessed me.  He deserves all the glory. 

When I was diagnosed and started attending church on a regular basis, United Baptist Church was preaching from the book of Exodus.  Sunday after Sunday, we attended services to hear stories of miracles.  These stories from the Bible were so encouraging and I believe that God wanted me to hear them, to remind me that with God all things are possible. For several weeks, Exodus 14:14 kept appearing in my life: “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”  This has become my cancer motto.  Cancer is out of my hands.  God is in control and I need to remember faith over fear.  While cancer is scary business, God is greater and will help me through this according to His will.  I have surrendered control to Him, and for this, I am so thankful.  The feeling of peace that I have is only available through belief in Jesus Christ.  This is not going to be an easy journey, but I am going to walk it with Jesus.  I know that at the end of the road, I will be rewarded with eternal life because Jesus died for my sins.  I will be forever grateful for this gift.

“Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You.  And it is well with me.” -It Is Well by Kristene DiMarco

 Click the video for the song.  I listen to this song regularly and always feel peace after listening to it.