First Chemo
I had my first chemo treatment on Monday, May 13. Jason had hardly left my side since my diagnosis and came down with a cold and the stomach flu the night before my first treatment. This was a mixed blessing. Jason was running himself ragged and it was good for him to have to rely on others to help us. Thankfully my parents were both able to take me to my first chemo treatment.
My mom stayed with me throughout the first treatment and my dad came in periodically to check on me. Dads are fixers and my dad is still grappling with the fact that he can't fix this for me.
I didn't have any idea what to expect for this first treatment. I was in a lot of pain going to that first treatment and was worried about feeling even worse post-treatment. Instead, a miracle happened. Partway through the treatment a lot of my pain eased and I actually walked out of treatment feeling better than I did walking in the door. At this point there is no way to know if that is because the treatment started working immediately or if my anxiety about the treatment was causing added pain/stress. I'm choosing to believe that the chemo immediately started working to kill the cancer cells. Since this treatment, my pain level has decreased from moderate to what I would classify as discomfort.
So far my body has not had many negative side effects I can associate with the chemo. I have a lot of fatigue that hits me suddenly and I am weak. I take random naps throughout the day, but thankfully I am on a leave of absence from my job and am able to do that. My mom and my mother-in-law are wonderful and are watching Owen during the day so that I can focus on taking care of myself and Jason can get some work done. I am told to expect to lose my hair around the time of the second treatment. I am remaining hopeful that this doesn't happen, but I am trying to prepare myself for this. I keep telling myself, "It's just hair." But.... it's hair. I am not a vain person, but my hair has always been long and part of my identity. I will continue to remind myself, "It's just hair. It will grow back." My life is more important than hair.
The picture below was a picture that I sent to Jason to show him that I was okay and doing well during my first treatment. It's not a glamorous photo by any means, but I think it shows how I was feeling at this point in my journey. I look scared, bewildered, tired, pained, but I'm smiling and trying to remain positive. That's my goal. Positive thinking gets you far in this life.
My mom stayed with me throughout the first treatment and my dad came in periodically to check on me. Dads are fixers and my dad is still grappling with the fact that he can't fix this for me.
I didn't have any idea what to expect for this first treatment. I was in a lot of pain going to that first treatment and was worried about feeling even worse post-treatment. Instead, a miracle happened. Partway through the treatment a lot of my pain eased and I actually walked out of treatment feeling better than I did walking in the door. At this point there is no way to know if that is because the treatment started working immediately or if my anxiety about the treatment was causing added pain/stress. I'm choosing to believe that the chemo immediately started working to kill the cancer cells. Since this treatment, my pain level has decreased from moderate to what I would classify as discomfort.
So far my body has not had many negative side effects I can associate with the chemo. I have a lot of fatigue that hits me suddenly and I am weak. I take random naps throughout the day, but thankfully I am on a leave of absence from my job and am able to do that. My mom and my mother-in-law are wonderful and are watching Owen during the day so that I can focus on taking care of myself and Jason can get some work done. I am told to expect to lose my hair around the time of the second treatment. I am remaining hopeful that this doesn't happen, but I am trying to prepare myself for this. I keep telling myself, "It's just hair." But.... it's hair. I am not a vain person, but my hair has always been long and part of my identity. I will continue to remind myself, "It's just hair. It will grow back." My life is more important than hair.
The picture below was a picture that I sent to Jason to show him that I was okay and doing well during my first treatment. It's not a glamorous photo by any means, but I think it shows how I was feeling at this point in my journey. I look scared, bewildered, tired, pained, but I'm smiling and trying to remain positive. That's my goal. Positive thinking gets you far in this life.
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